Wednesday 3/08

Posted on March 8, 2006 by Jenna

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On Wednesdays, the crew desperately runs around assembling legends despite their busy Tuesday nights.

Wednesdays are probably coalesced out of tomato soup by a crack team of scientists.

This is how it happened the very first time.

A group of scientists in New Mexico decided to hang themselves from the tree of worlds for a week as a test of the experimental validity of Asatru. Several control groups of scientists, including the man who would later go on to become Scientist X, hung themselves from ordinary oak trees for seven days. This was a double-blind test: some scientists were blinded in one eye, some weren’t, and none of them were told which was which. Time passed.

“I’m really hungry,” one of the hanging scientists said.

“I’d like some soup.”

But wise Dr. Goldstein said, “We can’t have soup, because we’re hanging upside down from trees.”

“Our research assistants can fetch some,” strategized another scientist.

“Ah,” sighed wise Dr. Goldstein. “But while we hang from trees, immobilized and helpless, unable to monitor their research, where are they?”

The scientists looked around. Indeed their research assistants were not waiting hand and foot on them as they had expected.

“They are having a life,” wise Dr. Goldstein said.

“Curse you!” shouted the other scientists, shaking their fists.

They had secretly relied on the idea that their research assistants would save them from the darkness of their fate. This is because they did not drink from Mimir’s well and so did not truly understand the perfidy of a research assistant’s soul.

“I wish,” observed Dr. Morgan, “that the giant squirrels would stop nibbling on me.”

“That is a good wish,” sighed Dr. Goldstein.

At this point weeks only had six days. They weren’t very long! They didn’t have Wednesdays!

“You know,” said Dr. Morgan, “we should get back at those research assistants.”

“We should make their weeks longer,” Scientist X agreed.

“Longer,” whispered Dr. Morgan.

“Longer,” cackled wise Dr. Goldstein.

And thus they conceived in their wisdom the idea of Wednesday. Sinuous and lithe, as if possessed by some unearthly force, they curled their bodies upwards to the ropes and gnawed through them with their sharp, sharp teeth. They slithered down the trees and into the halls of academia. They found the tomato soup.

“We must eat,” hissed Dr. Morgan.

“No,” sighed Dr. Goldstein. “We cannot eat this tomato soup because without it there will be no Wednesdays.”

And they cast the runes into the soup and the runes formed crystals and since that time weeks have had seven days.

It’s true!

It happened just that way!