Posted on April 26, 2005 by Jenna

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I need one more day.

Very sorry! Maybe you’ll enjoy the recent posts saved on merin.hitherby.com if you haven’t seen them, though. ^_^

Or the phrase “It’s like quantum physics, only evil. The Thing in the box might be dead and it might be alive, but either way it’s going to sit on your chest in the middle of the night and steal your heart.”

Just like David Hasselhoff did, all those years ago.

He had claws, you know, and teeth. They never showed them on Knight Rider, but they were there. Sometimes when Alan Smithee failed to do his bidding, David Hasselhoff would be all ‘snatch! Got your heart.’

And Alan Smithee would die, and be reborn, like he does, and all the while he’d be laughing, because, really, you can’t help loving that man.

Jesus also died and was reborn and couldn’t help loving David Hasselhoff (John 13:35, 14:21), but for some reason he never showed up on Baywatch. It’s really unfortunate, because every lifeguard show needs someone who can walk on water and make wine any time you want it. I mean, it wouldn’t have to be the actual Jesus; a stunt double with the same superpowers but less theological import would be just fine.

And you’d have all these cases where someone would be like, “At last! Jesus has entered my heart!”

And David Hasselhoff would be all snicker-snack and “IT’S MY HEART NOW!”

“Curses,” they would say, as they crumple. “Now where will I keep Jesus?”

See, my standards have risen since the very first entries, both for quality and for care in the use of religious icons (e.g. Jesus, Baywatch, Alan Smithee), so this isn’t a real entry. ^_^