Letters Column for February 2006: Love Bees

Posted on March 2, 2006 by Jenna

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All the bees in hitherby seem to be “terrible” or “evil” or “killer” or “Robber” “or “Desolation” or “suicide” or “telepathic” they’re doiing things like not existing, or making universes or web mining or killing the allergic, or deflowering robot flowers, or spelling or encouraging the squashing of precious little insects…

— ADamiani

There are also love bees! Love bees love everybody. They love you so much they’ll give their own lives so that you can have life everlasting!

It’s easy! Just get stung by a love bee!

Most love bees die when they sting you, but not all of them. Some love bees can sting many many people and make them all immortal. However over time these bees become jaded. First they lose their starry-buzz naivete and begin to recognize the faults in those they sting. This is actually healthier and more honest for the bees, but prompts an alchemical change in their sting that conditions the immortality they grant. Those who do not live up to the standards of the bees fade away; only the truly magnificent live forever. Finally the bees become so jaded that it is aerodynamically impossible for them to fly. Indiscriminate in love and granting only the inferior jade immortality, they fly around stinging everyone they can until a physicist or engineer notices them, at which point they fall down and pretend to be priceless jade artifacts. These are virtuous bees.

Those aren’t the only good bees. There are also innovation bees. They’re brand new! That’s how innovative they are! Everyone wants an innovation bee. They think outside of the box because they can fly outside of the box! Their logo is “feel the sting.”

Feel it!

Come on!

I actually tease bees a lot because they are a little scary to me but not very scary. They are not scary like Mr. Cheney or Mr. Bin Laden, but more like pop idols Tucker Carlson, Michael Jackson, and the Halloween edition “Deadly Ghost” Spice Girls.


Oh, Jane is powergaming again!

— Graeme

There was this time when the Buddha was running a game and he was all,

“The 10×10 room is entirely empty.”

And Jane was all,

“I cast Magic Missile.”

“On what?” asks the Buddha.

“The emptiness!”

It happened just that way. If you’d read the forbidden sutras of the panva se khelane ka gendayana, you’d know!


Because she didn’t eat her carrots, one supposes.

— Brendan

Hee! You anticipated me. ^_^


I feel the need to come out of hiding because nobody noticed that the Green Giant literally// opened up a can of whupass on Jane.//

— Sparrowhawk

What they do not tell you, o gracious soul,
In their gentle commercials
For Green Giant vegetables
Is that that the Green Giant
The Green Giant
Is one bad motherfucker.


He’s a stone cold killer
Delivering your dinner
In a can, he’s the man, an original sinner,
Got a gun in his right hand
Cauliflower in the other
And chaos and pain and gut wounds are his brothers.

He’s good eaten plain
But he’s happier smothered
In cheddar or wine or in the blood of another.
If you don’t eat your beans
Then it remains to be seen
Just how bad you’ll get had
By the giant o’ the green.


Errrh… Ink’s in Hell because… she’s lost her truth-valuing-explorer-nature… mumble… something to do with Tarzan… god, someone just put me out of my misery already.

— Ninjacrat

You need a can of delicious Green Giant Hari-Kari!


Actually, I like to think that between the followup episode and the comments, it’s probably clearer now. ^_^


My gut-reaction interpretation of this is that Ink is in her living room watching TV. I’m not really sure who Greystoke is. Some authority figure that she resents, but her parents have placed above her. The setting descriptions do more to describe Ink’s internal state than her external surroundings.

Now I want to re-read all of Ink Catherly through this lens.

— Mithrandir

I’d be interested to know what you come up with. ^_^


Ink Catherly stories continue to astound and amaze.

— Ford Dent

Thank you for your kind words!


Oh right, shouldn’t let this get lost in the attempt to figure things out; this series has been really excellent.

— rpuchalsky

And you!


In Hell, the inhabitants are meat bereft of spirit, and yet– they cannot die.

— ADamiani

Hee. You’re good at leading comments this month. ^_^

Here’s a question: can meat without spirit die?


So this is the end of Ink’s story. Wow. What a bitter, bitter ending. Of course, she was searching for Hell…really, how could that have ended well for her?

— David Goldfarb

This is a common misconception about Hell propagated by the Heavenists.

In fact most Hells are happy places filled with that joy that is nestled inside suffering like a pearl within its shell. Everybody laughs and plays in the flames because getting horribly seared gives them that much extra appreciation for the virtues of existence. There are the traditional horse demons and ox demons and pointy-horn demons but there are also happy-face demons that make everyone happy and salvation demons that offer entire sanctification and egg demons who are funny because they are like your brain on drugs and do not ask any questions.


Mr Catherly is certainly acting like captain kirk

— GoldenH

Oh, man, no *wonder* she sought Hell!

Kirk is a great man but I think he’d be a sucky father. I mean, let’s say you’re having your first period, and your Mom is dead, so you go to him, and he’s all like,

“My GOD … the BLOOD …”

And then he turns away.

And then he says, “What you … HAVE to UNDERSTAND is that … your uterus is SHEDDING its LINING …”

And then, for no reason whatsoever, he shouts, “KHAN!!!!”

I’d be beet red by then, and that’s before the all-powerful aliens steal my tampons and he has to win them back in a Roman arena.


The Lady Of Shalott

— willwhatley




7 minutes to noon, but I’m going to post now anyway so I have a chance to edit!