(Audience) From the Files of the Qwik Club

Posted on November 21, 2006 by Jenna

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The Fifth Theory
a legend regarding the box

Everything that we do not know about is in the box.

People want you to believe that the government has secret prison camps. Like Guantanamo! Or Uggle Port Katchek.

But they don’t.

Not even other governments do.

Instead, when you want to throw someone away, you just put them in the box.

There are convenient access points everywhere in the world.

Put someone in the chute. They slide around and around. They go down into the box!

You can also do this with other things that are not people. You could put a strawberry shortcake in a chute. It would slide down the chute into the box.

For all we know, the box is full of tasty things like that.

We don’t want to open the box.

If we opened the box then we would see the shortcake. Then it would attack!

Graar, it would say. It would gnash its teeth. It takes really bad cooking to make a shortcake that gnashes its teeth but it is possible because the recipe is quite complicated and involves teeth.

There could be other things in the box that attack people.

Like the Pope.

And Gandhi!

Secretly they have both been put into chutes and sent down into the box. There they wage their endless twilight struggle. You might think that the matter would resolve quickly but the Pope keeps clinging to his outdated Catholic sense of honor and trying to get Gandhi into his weight class. This involves a great deal of dieting and force feeding that isn’t making either great-souled leader very happy.

Living in this world we face a condition of attachment and desire that gives rise to suffering.

We are blessed in that we are only attached to the things that we know.

When we put someone down the chute we cease to perform the erroneous attachment-exercise that gives rise to suffering. We banish them from the world and they no longer give us the sense-impressions that give rise to the skandhas and Dukkha and all manner of ill things.

The box saves us from pain.

The suffering that we put inside the box is not real suffering and it does not provide an impetus towards change.

So the box lets us leave things as they are.

We can say that the stories of those who are inside the box have ended.

They are perfect.

They are empty.

They are done: forever and ever after closed; amen.

The first four theories may be found here. Remember that readers may/should post vignettes in the on-site comments for (Audience) posts.