A Poorly Timed Deus Ex Machina

Posted on January 8, 2004 by Jenna

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Meredith and Mr. Schiff plunge screaming towards the ground!

It’s reasonable to note, before this goes any further, that God will probably never do a Macintosh switch commercial. People have advanced various reasons for this, including God’s general ineffability, unwillingness to do commercial endorsements, poor experiences with computer tech support, and ergonomic issues related to being three entities in one. It’s possible that the world will never know. It’s sad. It’s tragic. But it’s not really important. Meredith’s falling off a cliff!

Meredith scrabbles desperately at the rock face. She can’t find any purchase! Her life flashes before her eyes. It doesn’t take very long! Is this the end of young Meredith’s story? It’s not! Something rubbery and tentacular closes about Meredith’s wrist. It has suckers and strange protrusions on it. “Dear me!” a voice says. “Do be careful.”

Meredith dangles by her wrist far above the ground. “I can’t argue,” she says. “I’m too vertiginous!”

The tentacle heaves, pulling her back onto stable ground. Meredith pants, trying to catch her breath. Suddenly falling is frightening!

“Who are you?” she finally asks. The throbbing in her head slowly fades. She braces herself on one hand and turns her head towards the rock face.

“I’m an octopus,” declares an octopus. Its dark grey surface glistens in the sun. “I was in the area, so I gave you a hand! I hope I didn’t interfere with something important.”

“I was falling,” explains Meredith.

“Oh.” The octopus hunches its shoulders. “I should have known better.”

“No,” answers Meredith. “No, that’s all right. Some days, I feel like falling. Today, I didn’t!”

“That’s good,” says the octopus. “But what about Mr. Schiff?”

Mr. Schiff hits the ground. Thump!

“It’s okay,” Meredith says. “Mr. Schiff can fly!”